Conflicted

"I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world. This makes it hard to plan the day." E. B. White

Change

You would think that with so much going on in life I'd have a lot to say. But it just has not happened that way. If anything, I feel more reserved and unable to find my voice among all the other noise around me. Everyone has an opinion and there are so many other people's feelings to consider that I feel selfish taking the time to work out my own thoughts and emotions. It is funny that the things that are causing me anguish and heartache right now are things I NEVER expected to be an issue during this time in my life. Things that should bring comfort and hope and peace bring nothing but stress and anger and resentment. I feel powerless to change it too. Not a good feeling to have during a time I need to feel empowered and strong and confident. But I guess that is just how things work out sometimes. New experiences force me to look for new sources of positive energy in my life and teach me to let go of old attachments and expectations. I'm trying to keep it light...and not give all the negativity more power then it deserves. That is easier said then done. I need an outlet that is my own. Maybe it is time to change this blog. I love it, but feel it has become less then authentic due to the fact I now write to an "audience" and temper my thoughts and feelings in fear of their reactions. That is NOT why I started this.