Born Cool

As I was taking pictures of Austin last weekend in his rockin' hat and groovy shorts, I commented on how there are so few people who could pull off mis-matched Hawaiian prints. Austin is a lucky guy to be in this select group. Clay, in his infinite wisdom, said, "some people are just born cool." I had no idea that a level of coolness could be determined so early in life! Apparently the ability to coordinate party fabrics is a early litmus test.

Bromance

Austin and Michael (aka The Moose and Mad Dog). It was Guy Love at first sight and fake cousins for life.

25 Things About Me and Other Conundrums

If you are on Facebook, you know what I am talking about. It is the latest and greatest way to let everyone you have “friended” know who you are, what you are about…what ever. Several of my friends have “tagged” me, but I have yet to take the plunge. I am, however, obsessing about it. Facebook does that to you. First, you start to think about everything you do in the third person, “Sarah is…”. It is insane. I am constantly thinking about what I am doing and attempting to come up with a snarky way to say it in a status update that will inform everyone that I am indeed cool and nothing like the person I was in high school. Now I must also add this “25 Things” activity to the list of things that haunt me. Can I come up with 25? What to include? The pressure is mounting and I may not be up to the task. My whole Facebook identity rides on this moment! Problem is… I have friends from work, friends from high school, friends who are friends with my parents and even friends I am not sure I really know. Do they all get the same “me”? Do the people I serve on non-profit boards with in Waco really need to know I curse like Joe Pesci at home? Will the people I went to high school with believe me if I try and imply I am no longer a stuck up girl with way-to-big hair? Will someone tell my mother if I admit my favorite drink is Jack & Coke? ARRUUGGH!

I’m not sure I am cut out for Facebook. I don’t think I can handle the pressure. I figure all the girls join to see who got fat & show off their reproductive efforts and all the boys join to prove they got married & still have hair. So what about me? Why did I break down and join? Desperation of being at home with a baby I guess. Oh that I could un-join…but alas, it is too late and I must live with my decision and the queries it forces me to come to terms with. What about this one: to friend or not to friend the creepy ex-boyfriend? I am desperate to know how fat he’s gotten and who the hell he convinced to marry him…but he’s the creepy ex-boyfriend! And what about boyfriends that weren’t creepy? If we friend each other must I also friend their wives? Such are the conundrums of the modern age of communication.

Then…a moment of clarity. I remember that I really don’t care who is fat, bald, married, working out, cooking dinner, picking the kids up, watching American Idol, gay, pregnant, finger painting, drinking beer, playing golf, going fishing or super-poking everyone they know. And no one really cares that I’m a Democrat and a music snob, or that I practice yoga, eat organic food, have three dogs, watch too much CNN and drink too much wine. Hell, I only joined to have ONE MORE way talk to Chris and Shannon…everyone else is just lucky to have me as a friend.

So will I breakdown and complete the “25 Things”? Probably. I can’t resist thinking I am THAT important to other people.

I'm really pretty

Clay just looked at Austin and said: “I’m sorry you got my chin, Dude”.

I asked why?…because I love Austin’s cute little chin with its beautiful perfect dimple. Clay said, “because he’ll feel like he has ‘short chin’ when he gets older – his chin will be captured between his jowls”.

Fair enough explanation. No one would wish THAT on a sweet little baby.

Then Clay said…

“I shouldn’t feel bad, I’m really pretty”.

Dear Lord, please let Austin inherit Clay’s humility as well as his phenomenal good looks.

My new favorite quote

"Once in his life, every man is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous redhead"
— Lucille Ball

Thanksgiving 2008

Fat fat fat baby on Thanksgiving.

Natural Born Boppy

For those of you not familiar with the Boppy, allow me to enlighten. A Boppy is a u-shaped pillow that is used to position a baby for nursing. Until recently, I had no idea how the human race flourished in the pre-Boppy millennia. How did the baby every find the nipple? Or stay there long enough to draw sustenance? The answer was soon revealed to me the first time I was required to 'nurse on the fly'. God, in His infinite wisdom, provides nursing mothers with Nature's Bobby. I am referring, no doubt, to the shelf of fat (or "fat flap" as we refer to it at our house) that stays on the belly long after delivery of a tiny human. Yes, it is a nuisance when attempting to shoe-horn yourself in to pre-pregnancy pants, but the damn thing is oh-so-useful when the need to prop a baby up to boob height arises (about every 2 hours or so).

Bonus: just like the Boppy I bought at Target, this one comes in a fetching pattern! It sort of looks like a nice pink zebra print.

Best Friends v.2

Austin and Michael have a lot of catching up to do! Maybe they just need a trip to Padre and some cookie dough...

I love Democracy

Talk about early voting...5 & 1/2 weeks may not quite be old enough to participate in the democratic process, but Austin was out there none the less supporting his favorite candidate. Much to the dismay of both his grandmothers. Somehow, I think they will forgive him. Hey, at least he wore his red and blue nonpartisan jammies.

Mr. Tambourine Man

Me and Austin in our matching Bob Dylan shirts. He is so money and he doesn't even know it. :)

Tears, Idle Tears

by Alfred, Lord Tennyson

Tears, idle tears, I know not what they mean,
Tears from the depth of some divine despair
Rise in the heart, and gather to the eyes,
In looking on the happy Autumn-fields,
And thinking of the days that are no more.
Fresh as the first beam glittering on a sail,
That brings our friends up from the underworld,
Sad as the last which reddens over one
That sinks with all we love below the verge;
So sad, so fresh, the days that are no more.
Ah, sad and strange as in dark summer dawns
The earliest pipe of half-awakened birds
To dying ears, when unto dying eyes
The casement slowly grows a glimmering square;
So sad, so strange, the days that are no more.
Dear as remembered kisses after death,
And sweet as those by hopeless fancy feigned
On lips that are for others; deep as love,
Deep as first love, and wild with all regret;
O Death in Life, the days that are no more.

Multitasking and Spidey Senses

Author’s note: please read the following with a considerable dose of sarcasm…or with an Irish accent…which ever makes it sound more implausible.

As a new mother you know you have, as they say, ‘hit your stride’ when the definition of multitasking has gone from checking emails on your PDA while attending a professional development conference to peeing in the shower. Both worthy and no doubt time-saving efforts, yet somehow evidence of two unmistakably parallel dimensions of life as I know it. I have always thought of myself as an efficient worker – able to tackle many things at once. I balanced working full time and getting my MBA for goodness sake. Yet this whole motherhood thing has kicked it up…well, another notch. For the precious few hours my five week old son is asleep during the day, I face a dilemma of epic consequence and find within myself strength and wit I knew not of until very recently. He’s asleep. Do I, a.) take a much-needed nap, b.) start a load of laundry to rectify the fact that he has no clean jammies or blankets and I’ve been going commando for three days, c.) pump some breast milk to freeze so that some day in a future I can only dream of, I can leave him for several hours to pursue such luxuries as grocery shopping or checking in to an asylum, or d.) take a shower to remove the encrusted spit up that has accumulated on my right shoulder? The answer…simply, is all of the above.

First, put the baby down to sleep with all manner of unnatural assistance I have no idea how women ever lived with out – crib vibrator, iPod playing classical guitar music, white noise machine to block out all other sound, sleep positioner -- just in case he suddenly develops the ability to rollover he won’t smother himself in his organic cotton crib sheet. Then take the breast pump in the bathroom for easy access. Shower quickly, of course using 2-in-1 Pantene. Forget shaving my legs, I can’t have sex for 7 more days anyway. We’ll skip over whether or not peeing in the shower is a true time saver or just pure laziness. Then, while the milk is flowing from the hot shower, pump while brushing the teeth I have been neglecting for weeks. Wrap up in a big towel (hell, no one is home but me) and run the laundry down stairs. Because I am so efficient at all this, I can even pause here to return a few emails, upload the latest pictures to my Picasa site and MAYBE…have a quick snack. Oops. Forgot to get in the nap. Isn’t that just how it goes?

By the by, should one think I am writing all this to BRAG on my super-mommy abilities, I assure you, I am not. I’m merely presenting this as evidence of how insane my life has become. Not only can I do ALL this…but I am perfectly capable of having a ten minute conversation with a total stranger about poop. That MBA paid for itself, yes?

Another new development is the sudden acquisition of Spidey Senses. I have learned that WHILE ASLEEP I have the ability to hear the slightest alternation in the baby’s breathing pattern or shift in sleeping position. This is over the aforementioned white noise machine, crib vibrator and heater/fan (depending on if I think he MIGHT be the slightest bit hot or cold at the moment) and my snoring baby-daddy in the bed next to me. Conversely, I can also now BLOCK OUT the defcon-4 screaming fit Austin likes to have each evening as if it were sweet music for yoga and meditation. I marvel at these amazing adjustments in hearing that allow the new mother to survive in the wild. I also find it interesting that, like the girl in Clueless who’s tits predicated the weather, mine can alert me a good five minutes in advance of the hungry baby waking up from a nap. Nature once again at its most amazing -- providing me plenty of notice to get the Boppy, set up the three zillion pillows I need to use to get in to proper nursing position, fetch a new set of breast pads, and unsnap my fancy nursing tank. Such the Earth Mother am I. Another sense that has adjusted is my always keen sense of smell. Once limited to simply rotting food in the disposal and alcohol on my husband’s breath, I can now identify any number of indoor air quality issues that might adversely impact my son’s health or well-being…or SLEEP. Someone used bleach in the kitchen? Throw open the windows - stat! Who forgot to use the organic laundry detergent on these onesies? Ugh…I have to do everything around here. Did one of the cats vomit? Let the dog in to lick it up before the hacking wakes the baby.

Peter Parker my ass – try being the mother of a newborn THEN maybe we’ll make a fourth movie.

New title for the blog

I can't think of a title or quote that better fits my life at this very moment. As the Johnson & Johnson commercials say in the sickly sweet voice, "having a baby changes everything". I always wondered what they were advertising there. I mean really, if there were TRUTH in advertising, no one would willingly make the choice to have children. Not that it is not worth it 100%, it is just that there is no way of knowing how MUCH things change until it is too late. The changes in our life since Austin was born have been more then mere changes...they have been changes in LATITUDE. Altering the course of our lives so much so that we need an entirely different map then the one we previously used. And yes, it is true, if we couldn't laugh we would surely be insane by now.

So in hopes that my sleep deprivation will inspire a new batch of blogging, here is a pic of Austin and the timeless lyrics of one Jimmy Buffett -- as always, providing the soundtrack to my life. Funny, the theme song used to be 'Boat Drinks'. :)

By: Jimmy Buffett: 1977
I took off for a weekend last month
Just to try and recall the whole year
All of the faces and all of the places
Wonderin where they all disappeared
I didn't ponder the question too long
I was hungry and went out for a bite
Ran into a chum with a bottle of rum
And we wound up drinkin all night

Chorus: Its these changes in latitudes, changes in attitudes
Nothing remains quite the same
With all of our running and all of our cunning
If we couldn't laugh we would all go insane

Reading departure signs in some big airport
Reminds me of the places I've been
Visions of good times that brought so much pleasure
Makes me want to go back again
If it suddenly ended tomorrow
I could somehow adjust to the fall
Good times and riches and son of a bitches
I've seen more than I can recall

Chorus: These changes in latitudes, changes in attitudes
Nothing remains quite the same
Through all of the islands and all of the highlands
If we couldn't laugh we would all go insane

I think about Paris when I'm high on red wine
I wish I could jump on a plane
So many nights I just dream of the ocean
God I wish I was sailin again

Oh, yesterdays over my shoulder
So I cant look back for too long
There's just too much to see waiting in front of me
And I know that I just cant go wrong

Chorus: With these changes in latitudes, changes in attitudes
Nothing remains quite the same
With all of my running and all of my cunning
If I couldn't laugh I just would go insane
If we couldn't laugh we just would go insane
If we weren't all crazy we would go insane

Quote of the Day

Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety. - Benjamin Franklin

I wonder what Ben Franklin would say about the way our country has handled national security in this century?

To Hope

by John Keats

When by my solitary hearth I sit,
And hateful thoughts enwrap my soul in gloom;
When no fair dreams before my "mind's eye" flit,
And the bare heath of life presents no bloom;
Sweet Hope, ethereal balm upon me shed,
And wave thy silver pinions o'er my head.

Whene'er I wander, at the fall of night,
Where woven boughs shut out the moon's bright ray,
Should sad Despondency my musings fright,
And frown, to drive fair Cheerfulness away,
Peep with the moon-beams through the leafy roof,
And keep that fiend Despondence far aloof.

Should Disappointment, parent of Despair,
Strive for her son to seize my careless heart;
When, like a cloud, he sits upon the air,
Preparing on his spell-bound prey to dart:
Chace him away, sweet Hope, with visage bright,
And fright him as the morning frightens night!

Whene'er the fate of those I hold most dear
Tells to my fearful breast a tale of sorrow,
O bright-eyed Hope, my morbid fancy cheer;
Let me awhile thy sweetest comforts borrow:
Thy heaven-born radiance around me shed,
And wave thy silver pinions o'er my head!

Should e'er unhappy love my bosom pain,
From cruel parents, or relentless fair;
O let me think it is not quite in vain
To sigh out sonnets to the midnight air!
Sweet Hope, ethereal balm upon me shed.
And wave thy silver pinions o'er my head!

In the long vista of the years to roll,
Let me not see our country's honour fade:
O let me see our land retain her soul,
Her pride, her freedom; and not freedom's shade.
From thy bright eyes unusual brightness shed--
Beneath thy pinions canopy my head!

Let me not see the patriot's high bequest,
Great Liberty! how great in plain attire!
With the base purple of a court oppress'd,
Bowing her head, and ready to expire:
But let me see thee stoop from heaven on wings
That fill the skies with silver glitterings!

And as, in sparkling majesty, a star
Gilds the bright summit of some gloomy cloud;
Brightening the half veil'd face of heaven afar:
So, when dark thoughts my boding spirit shroud,
Sweet Hope, celestial influence round me shed,
Waving thy silver pinions o'er my head.

Conflicted

"I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world. This makes it hard to plan the day." E. B. White

Change

You would think that with so much going on in life I'd have a lot to say. But it just has not happened that way. If anything, I feel more reserved and unable to find my voice among all the other noise around me. Everyone has an opinion and there are so many other people's feelings to consider that I feel selfish taking the time to work out my own thoughts and emotions. It is funny that the things that are causing me anguish and heartache right now are things I NEVER expected to be an issue during this time in my life. Things that should bring comfort and hope and peace bring nothing but stress and anger and resentment. I feel powerless to change it too. Not a good feeling to have during a time I need to feel empowered and strong and confident. But I guess that is just how things work out sometimes. New experiences force me to look for new sources of positive energy in my life and teach me to let go of old attachments and expectations. I'm trying to keep it light...and not give all the negativity more power then it deserves. That is easier said then done. I need an outlet that is my own. Maybe it is time to change this blog. I love it, but feel it has become less then authentic due to the fact I now write to an "audience" and temper my thoughts and feelings in fear of their reactions. That is NOT why I started this.

So I'm a little SLOW...

I know it is been, well a LONG time since I posted. But here I am with a photo gallery of our recent trip to Vegas to see Jimmy Buffett. OK, so what if it was in October?...it really wasn't THAT long ago! At least I'm trying...that has to count for something. Most of you out there (hem hem..Shel, Brooke, Chris, Shannon & my FAMILY) have not updated your blogs since the last ice age! So get with it already!

Enjoy the pics: http://picasaweb.google.com/skcollins1977/VegasBaby

There Will Come a Day

There will come a day when we realize that most of the things we spend our energy and resources on don’t really matter at all. I don’t know when, but I know this day will come. A family member will get cancer, a loved one will die, a child will get sick, a natural disaster will shake our world...and in the midst of something we don’t think we can handle, we will catch a brief glimpse of another world; one in which priorities are based on eternity, not on temporary comfort or gain. Why, in our “civilized” world does it always take a tragedy to shake us in to being AWAKE to life? Why can we not just CHOOSE to adopt that perspective each day?

We take so much for granted in this society. Clean water, health, safety, peace, abundance of food, education...the list goes on and on and is made up of things that the majority of the population of this world does NOT have. However, since we have to worry about something, we use our energy to combat cellulite on our bodies, depletion of our bank accounts, weeds in our yards, dirt on our cars and boredom in our lives. We have eradicated all “natural” causes of death in our society that other countries in the world are plagued (literally) by – there is no polio, malaria, small pox, wide-spread starvation here. So we’ve replaced those too with “lifestyle” causes of death – heart disease from eating processed, fatty foods and not being physically active or lung cancer from continuing to smoke when we are 100% sure that it will result in death. We create a crisis when none actually exist.

I do it too. Every day. The things I spend my time and energy on are seldom things that have any eternal value. If I could get back every minute of time and ounce of emotional energy I spent worrying about being “fat” or go back and do all the things I chose not to do because of that, I’d probably be living a quarter of my life over again. Couple that with all the time I have spent fretting over my house being clean, the laundry being done and who knows how much time I’d have to spend on things that REALLY matter: loving my family, following GOD’s plan for my life, making this world a better place to live and ENJOYING this life while I have it.

There is SO MUCH to do in this world – life to be lived and enjoyed and work to be done. God put all this beauty here for us to enjoy and yet we sit in our climate controlled houses and watch other people travel on TV. We have been given the resources, as individuals and as a nation, to help people and help the world and yet the most involved we ever get is reading the news and saying “how sad, someone should do something”.

Well, what ELSE are you doing with your time and energy and resources that is so important? Why not US? Why not NOW? I know I am not going to get to the end of my life and wish I would have done more laundry, been a size 6, pulled more weeds or had a nicer house. I am going to wish with all my soul that I would have told my family I loved them more, been out in God’s nature as often as I could have, given more to help those in need, and left the planet a better place then I found it.

I want to believe that the choice is ours and that we CAN live this way with out waiting for something terrible to shake our core. It is about making the best possible choice you can at every moment. Not just the “best” for you, but the best for the world. One question can be your guide: Is this the best use of the resources I have been given? Resources like time, energy, money, strength, love, compassion...are not to be wasted. If I chose to spend my morning being depressed about being what I think is overweight - is that solving ANYHTING? If I see a story about global warming and think “oh well, I can’t do anything to help” – are things ever going to change?

I was reading a book by the Dali Lama recently and he spoke to the issue of worry and problems. He said, “If the solution to the problem is such that it can be remedied, then there is no need to worry about it.” The appropriate action is to seek solution. To me this means if I am faced with a problem and I know there is a solution, I am to take action – take the next logical step towards resolution. Alternately, the Dali Lama said, “if there is not way out, no solution, no possibility of resolution, then there is also no point in being worried about it, because you can’t do anything about it anyway.” Simple, right? Sure it is...until you TRY IT.

Most of the problems we face, personally or collectively, have a solution. That is what is amazing about us humans – we have been given the ability to effect our world. Unfortunately, this means our impact may be positive OR negative. Either way, we are powerful and must use the resources given us to do the most good. DO THE MOST GOOD. Try it. With each choice you make ask yourself if you are using the resources you have been given to do the most good – for your self, your family, your community, the planet. I think you’ll find that there is much, much less to worry about.

(I’ll try it too)

May the Force be with you...

I know it is such a silly picture and pretty much anyone with an email address has seen it...but it makes me laugh EVERY time so I had to post it. Something about the teeny tiny Light Sabers is hilarious to me. I wonder if they make the same noise and the real ones?

We recently had a Star Wars watching marathon at our house in honor of the 30th anniversary of A New Hope. It amazes me how timeless those movies are. Classic stories, familiar archetypes and enduring lessons. They may very well end up being the fairy tales and mythology of our modern era; they are certainly a cross-generational, cross- cultural common language. An interesting phenomenon to be sure.

And squirrels with teeny Light Sabers? Classic. :)