The first thing you need to know about the email conversation that follows is that both of the women writing these emails are incredibly beautiful, under 30, and no bigger then the average woman in the U.S. These women are both highly intelligent, loving, compassionate and full of grace.
They are also funny as hell and have been friends since middle school. Names have been changed to protect the sort-of-innocent.
10/14/2005 8:56 AM
Hey Hon - how's it going? :) I am missing you so bad lately. Been having a bit of a fat crisis and need someone to eat ice cream with & then go buy shoes. I totally just dropped about $180 on jewelry from my favorite website the other night after my man and I watched a segment I had taped for the school district TV station. Who knew you could fit that much fat in to one pair of khaki pants?! And who stole my facial features? I swear I used to have some. LOL! Its been crazy lately...2 weeks and 4 days left of grad school...maybe after that I'll have time to work out...oh, but then it will be Halloween (and you know how I love to eat "fun size" candies...they really do make me a FUN SIZE)...then Thanksgiving...then Christmas! So I should just resign my self to being fat until at least New Year's right? I mean let's be realistic. :)
Everyone here is too skinny & they just don't understand. lol! How are ya'?
-Thelma
Friday, October 14, 2005 at 9:39 AM
Hey, sweetheart! I miss you, too! You made me laugh so hard with this e-mail! I'm very impressed that you made a TV appearance. Way to go you! I'm sure you looked absolutely gorgeous, and don't even bother to argue because I know it's true. I, too, have been spending a lot on jewelry, shoes, and perfume. I'm stretching the bounds of my fat jeans. It's not pretty. I'm laughing that someone stole your facial features. I have also lost mine, but someone saw fit to replace my stolen facial features with three chins. It's really wrong!
I say you should workout because it makes you feel better and then follow it up with a fun-size candy bar. It's very important to live a balanced lifestyle. My idea of balanced is a Dr. Pepper in one hand and a Reese's Cup in the other. So bad. To make it worse, they're predicting it to be back in the 90s this weekend. I can't even hide in my cute, oversized sweaters. *sigh*
-Louise
10/14/2005 11:46 AM
Oh the TV appearance was hilarious. I have done a lot of TV stuff in the past for other non-profits, but this was the first this for new job...and it went VERY well! I was really looking forward to seeing it...oi vey. lol! Well, at least the story was good, the kids were too cute for words, and the spot looked good...at least I think it all looked good. Once I saw myself (think: Stay Puft in a blue sweater and crop pants with red hair) my vision went all blurry and I just heard a loud clanging in my ears for the rest of the time it was on. What is REALLY nice is that it is running 3 times a day every day for the entire month of October! So maybe EVERYONE I know will see it! Yeah, baby...that is awesome! LOL!!You know its bad when the fat jeans are straining to contain the mass that is your butt. That is no bueno at all. I totally had to go but new pants on Sunday b/c we had a golf tournament on Monday and I did not have any (read: ones that buttoned) khaki pants to wear...oh honey, it was HIGH drama at the Old Navy!I know what you mean...the sucker who took my facial features left me with extra chins! What kind of lunatic would do that sort of thing to a girl?! I tell ya, this world is crazy. And poor Husband...he gets to hear all of it all the time. He's a good guy for not packing up and leaving immediately. lol!I might die if it got warm again and I had to go back to sleeveless shirts...my arms look more like legs these days then actual arms. Maybe I need to invest in some leggings and wear them on my arms instead. Would be appropriate. Shoes, makeup, jewelry, perfume, purses, and lotion for everyone!!! :) Woo hoo!
-Thelma
Friday, October 14, 2005 at 12:00PM
Okay, you just made me laugh out loud in the middle of the library. All my students are staring at me. Leggings on your arms...Stay Puft in a blue sweater...that's hilarious and I'm sure it's absolutely untrue! I'm sure you do NOT have arms the size of legs, and I bet you are the most beautiful girl at Old Navy and on TV. Speaking of Old Navy, this summer I bought a jean skirt from there...in the maternity section. It has an elastic waistband. It would be my favorite skirt ever if it weren't so tragic.
After our first e-mail conversation, I was so bummed with the way I look that I bought a Dr. Pepper and a Twix...they were out of Reese's. Apparently I have cleaned out the vending machine. Plus, PTO is feeding us today...tacos and brownies. I'm going to explode out of my fat pants. I've been thinking about changing my hair, but I don't think a hairstyle change can distract people from the size of my rear. So I'm going for the 80s hair. I figure the bigger the hair, the smaller my rear looks. So now I'm an out of style fat girl. I'm the girl at Wal-Mart with the big hair and the oversize shirt grabbing cokes and diet food off the shelf, checking out in line with a Fitness magazine and a Snickers bar.
- Louise
10/14/2005 1:32 PM
I totally had to stop reading your email so I would not laugh out loud and disturb my WHOLE office! I love you so much more then my luggage...you ALWAYS make my day a TON better. Oh, sorry...I mean A LOT better (no weight references!)Ohmygosh...you did NOT buy a maternity skirt!! That's like the episode with Joey's Thanksgiving pants!! I LOVE THAT! I think we'd all be in much better moods if everyone would just drop the pretense and wear maternity clothes every day. You absolutely must go with the big hair theory (we are, after all, in Texas). I love those articles that say that big hair brings the eyes "up" and away from excess weight, bad skin, etc. as if this is NEW news! Hell, we in Texas have known this for centuries. Why do you think everyone always talks about how pretty Texas Women are? Apparently they have all just been blinded by our massive amounts of HAIR. That is the ticket, sis. Big hair covers a multitude of sins (or a multitude of fun-size snickers...however you want to see it).
-Thelma
No comments:
Post a Comment