Random Rant on Tuesday

Get ready…it is just another rant… not worth reading.

It is just one of those days. True, I seem to be having a lot of them lately, but that doesn’t make it any less difficult to get through. It seems that the issue of time has been pressing in on me for the past several weeks and I can not seem to shake it. Time. The one thing there never seems to be enough of in my life. I know, I know, that is not really a “problem” compared to what the majority of the word endures on a daily basis and I would never purport that my life is somehow actually difficult. But I am going to complain anyway. I can’t seem to get going at work today. I want to be somewhere else…anywhere but here would do. It is not that it is terrible here or that I do not like my job. It is a great job and couldn’t ask for better (except for being paid to stay home…but I am not sure that job exists). Maybe I need a vacation. I have taken days off, but usually it is just a day to catch up on all the stuff that is left undone on a regular basis during the week (i.e. cleaning, laundry, pulling weeds, etc.). So I never really feel rested after one of those days. There are just so many other things I want to be doing with my time!! I want to read, learn new things, cook more, do yoga regularly, take care of my dogs, be healthier, volunteer, work in the garden, go see friends, visit family, start a family…the list goes on and on. Huh. Funny that “work every friggin day” didn’t make that list. It is not that I am opposed to work. I am just opposed to having to be held prisoner here every day from 8 to 5. Every single thing I have to do today could be done from home. I would not have to get dressed up, fix my hair & makeup, drive in to town, eat bad food for lunch, mainline Diet Coke to stay awake, etc. It would be beautiful. Ugh. It just seems like there is never enough time to do the things that are really important. That brings up another question. What IS truly important in this life? When we were created, what was our intended purpose? And shouldn’t we be doing that?

What if the Hokey Pokey is really what its all about?

OK, the rant is over.

Women: Be who you are and who you want to be!

I know too many women who are scared to death to be themselves. Women who want approval so badly they wear clothes they don’t like, have jobs they hate, marriages that make them miserable and are in a constant state of stress about what people may think. I openly admit that I am not immune to this and it is a daily struggle for me. Why does this happen to generation after generation of women? We are the crown jewel of creation yet we spend our lives trying to change ourselves inside and out. Is this symptom of modern society? Maybe. It certainly does not seem to be going away with out a fight. Just look at the cover of EVERY magazine in the check-out line at the grocery store. Each and every one says something about changes we should make to our lives, our bodies, our schedules, our relationships, etc. No wonder women all over this world are popping antidepressants like candy! We have been taught from birth that we are both “too much” and “not enough”.

This can only change when we realize our inherent value and worth and make a conscious decision to ignore societal demands and start living our lives as we were intended to: FREE. I say start small. Buy that twirling skirt you think you “can’t pull off” or the fun jewelry that really isn't “you”. Read books by inspiring women (I recommend Women Who Run with the Wolves, Women’s Bodies Women’s Wisdom, Captivating, anything by SARK, Jill Conner Browne (The Sweet Potato Queen), Louise Hay or Iyanla Vanzant). Learn about women’s health and sexuality. Get to know yourself and fall in love with you.

I learned a great lesson in a book by Iyanla Vanzant: Not everyone is going to like you. And it is not their job to like you. Their not liking you has nothing to do with you. It has to do with the stuff that is going on in their lives. There is nothing you can do about this so move on.

I think this is an extremely difficult lesson for most women to learn. We want to please and be liked by every single person we meet. We must realize that this can never be reality and must stop wasting precious life, time, and energy trying to make it so. I have learned that people are so much more drawn to women who are comfortable and confident in who they are. Does that mean you’ll never have a bad day, get PMS, or feel insecure? Hell no. But you will go through those things knowing that you have the strength and wisdom to learn from everything and find your way back to a state of balance. Its all part of life. Stop resisting and start living. Life is too short/too long to be miserable. You ARE worth it!

One more note on cats

"Dogs have a depth of loyalty that often we seem unworthy of. But the love of a cat is a blessing, a privilege in this world." -- Kinky Friedman

Love and Life with cats

My best friend's soon-to-be forever guy recently relayed this description of life with their cat, Velcro. I find it amazing that it parallels our experience with our baby, Cuervo, perfectly. This proves they are both truly Useless Sacks of Cat Meat...but we continue to do their bidding and fall prey to their whims because we love them so.


Average night with Velcro:

Useless Sack of Cat Meat is indifferent to your presence.

Useless Sack of Cat Meat continues to be indifferent to your presence.

Suddenly, Useless Sack of Cat Meat decides to lick one square inch of its chest and a small patch of side fur. There is no rhyme or reason. This fur was not any dirtier than the rest of him. Does he have some internal documentation of each area that has been licked or not licked to ensure eventually cleaning coverage? How can this animal who will devour 3 feet of life-endangering Christmas ribbon handle such a logistical challenge? ARGH!

Useless Sack of Cat Meat continues to be indifferent to your presence.

Useless Sack of Cat Meat suddenly shows signs of congeniality and seems to be displaying love.

You are immediately suspicious.

Suspicions are confirmed.

As soon as you look toward the room where USCM's cat food resides, USCM runs expectantly in that direction, trilling and meowing expectantly.
Useless Sack of Cat Meat needs sustenance. RAAAOOW, PpppuurrrOOOW.
As always, you place food in his dish, thereby adding an additional .01 ounce of useless cat meat to the Useless Sack of Cat Meat's mass.

Soon USCM emerges from his crunching, licking his chops and gearing up for callous indifference until the next hunger pang.

The vicious cycle begins anew as tears fall like rain.

American Idolatry

I simply can not understand the fascination people have with American Idol. Is more over-produced, packaged & promoted music really what this country needs? Think about the musicians who have truly shaped our country's musical history...people that did something that had never been done before...from Bing Crosby to Ella Fitzgerald, the pioneers of folk and jazz, Bob Dylan, Janis Joplin, Jimi Hendrix, the Grateful Dead...would any of those people been chosen as the next "big thing" in America? Doubtful.

Maybe that is the question to ask. Is there anything unique about the music being produced today? Is there anything that has not been done? I know there are musicians out there who are talented (not just pretty and a good "product")...go to Austin, TX on any given night and you'll see that real talent is still alive. The problem is that the general public only gets to see what can be quickly mass-produced and marketed to bring in the most most money. I find this extremely sad. Music has played a tremendous part in human history -- as a means of expression, a unifying force and something, perhaps, that can communicate across the lines of race, gender and country. Anyone think that Ms. Clarkson (even with her tremendous vocal range) has the power to do any of that? I think no...at least not through what her handlers will let us see of her. I am sure that many of the "musicians" of today do have talent and passion and creativity...but end up selling out in the end to the highest bidder.

I think that is my ultimate beef with American Idol. It is perpetuating another generation of sell-outs...give up your art, your creativity and your soul and we'll make you famous...for at least five minutes.

While I do owe the up-coming marriage of two of the best people I know to American Idol, that is by far the only good I can see coming out of it. And for me, that will have to be enough.

Blog Frustration

Not unlike sexual frustration I am sure. I have tried and tried to get the formatting correct on this blog but for some reason (most likely due to my own inadequate knowledge) it has proven impossible and a gi-normous waste of time. Alas. I must move on with the imperfect blog. Even funnier: the word "blog" is not actually in the spell-checker for this site. That folks, is what you call ironic.

My cat is famous!

My cat, Cuervo, is now officially the most famous in the family. He was recently featured on my all-time favorite website! We could not be more proud. In case you missed it, here is the pic that pushed him in to the international spotlight. In case you have not checked it out yet and need a good laugh go on over to www.stuffonmycat.com right now.

I won't be at work today because...

I have been accused of taking the art of calling in "sick" to new heights. I am very proud of this and think that we need to do everything possible to promote this form of personal expression. In this time of email, PDA's, blackberrys and 12 hour work-days...we must make a stand and say, "NO! I will not be condemned to slave away my youth only to end up on anti-depressants when I am 50 because I failed to LIVE my life!". OK, maybe it really isn't as dramatic as all that...but I still think we work too much as a society need an unscheduled break every now and then.

This following is an excerpt from and article that appeared today on www.msn.com about calling in sick. I LOVE the 6th one...kudos to the woman who actually had the balls to say what we have all thought a thousand times! (How do I know it was a woman? Really, if you have to ask, you are obviously a man and know nothing of which you speak)


"I was abducted by aliens..."
When asked to share the most unusual excuses workers gave for missing work, hiring managers shared some of their favorite examples:

"I'm too drunk to drive to work."

"I accidentally flushed my keys down the toilet."

"I had to help deliver a baby on my way to work." (Employee was not in the medical profession.)

"I accidentally drove through the automatic garage door before it opened."

"My boyfriend's snake got loose and I'm afraid to leave the bedroom until he gets home."

"I'm too fat to get into my work pants."

"God didn't wake me." (Employee didn't believe in alarm clocks and thought a higher power would wake her when she was ready.)

"I cut my fingernails too short, they're bleeding and I have to go to the doctor."

"The ghosts in my house kept me up all night."

"I forgot I was getting married today."

"My cow bit me."

"My son accidentally fell asleep next to wet cement in our backyard. His foot fell in and we can't get it out."

"I was watching a guy fixing a septic pump, fell in the hole and hurt myself."

"I was walking my dog and slipped on a toad in my driveway and hurt my back."

"My house lock jammed, and I'm locked in."

The Big Black Reason Why

For those of you wondering why My Love and I have not yet decided to share what will inevitably be a genetic masterpiece with the world...here is your answer. This is the love of our lives. Just look at those big brown eyes...it is clear that Bosque does not desire to share the spot light with any two-legged puppies just yet.

Cheers!

Home Alone

My Loving Man is currently away on a business trip...and while I love living with him (most days) it is like Christmas when he leaves (at least for the first night...after that, not so much). As tonight is the afore-mentioned "first night" I have decided to make a list of fun things about staying alone:

1. All the animals in the house must refer to us in the tense of the "Royal We" while the boy is away and must pay rapt attention while We are holding Our court and talking endlessly to them due to the fact that there are no humans around to pay attention to Us. If at any point they seem not to be interested...off with their heads!
2. Eating all meals out of bowls is the only way to go. Popcorn, pasta, and cereal...those three along with toast (which is to be eaten only off paper towels) completes the four major food groups that are to be consumed while We are alone.
3. We get all the hot water to ourselves and therefore must take an hour-long bubble bath while drinking an ice-cold beer.
4. We will sleep in the middle of the King-size bed (well actually We still sleep in about the same spot because the dog and the cat have joined Us and take their half...but theoretically, We could sleep in the middle if We wanted to as we are the Queen of this domain).
5. We will only listen to classical or relaxing acoustic music (preferably set to nature sounds like birds or the ocean)...of course with the requisite Enya thrown in for good measure as well as any artist ever to perform at Lilith Fair.
6. Two words: granny. panties.

While this estrogen-fest is something to behold, alas it can only last for one night. By this time tomorrow it will be a sad and lonely place. We will have eaten all the carbs, drank Ourselves silly on herbal tea, be nearly asphyxiated from too many candles and have the skin of an avocado past its prime from staying in the bath too long...the yang will need to return to restore balance the yin.

Until then...cheers!

Can You See God?

Flower in the Crannied Wall
by Alfred, Lord Tennyson (1809-1892)

Flower in the crannied wall,
I pluck you out of the crannies,
I hold you here, root and all, in my hand,
Little flower – but if I could understand
What you are, root and all, and all in all,
I should know what God and man is.


*******************************************

And a small bit of wisdom from the tag on the tea bag I pulled out of the box this morning (don’t you just love food with a message?!):

“If you can not see God in all, you can not see God at all.”

Profound.

Shannon and Chris in '06

Two of very coolest people I know in the world are getting married...this is their site: Shannon and Chris in '06

Who knew?

Who knew that all this time I could have been posting from work? In my shiny new job at the Central Texas version of the Trump Tower most of the fun websites are blocked by the angry tech-people....so naturally I assumed that my fabulous blog site was included. However, being as busy as a Baptist Woman's leaguer at a prostitution convention, I have had precious little time to write at home. BUT...it looks like the blog-drought has come to an end (likely occurring simultaneously with a slump in productivity at work)!! Woo hoo!

Let's see...what to say today? How about an introduction to my new favorite website? Well OK then, if you insist. Go to: www.stuffonmycat.com and enjoy the antics of like-minded people. Well at least their minds are like mine because I find this site absolutely HILARIOUS.

Have a beautiful day!!

These boots were made for...

I went home from work sick today...at 8:40 my boss told me to "spray down that office with Lysol and get out of here". She was right, I should not have tried to go. I have some wicked form of the flu that has completely sapped all my energy...not that there was much to spare. Aside from being sick and sleeping most of the day, I must admit it's a pretty great day. We had a bit of a frost last night, but it's turned into a beautiful sunny day. I am outside sitting by my herb garden in the sun getting a little light- & aroma-therapy. Lavender, Rosemary, Oregano and Sage are apparently just what the Dr. ordered. There are butterflies fluttering around my lantana, the fall bulbs are starting to come up, it's not too warm, not too cool - just perfect. Now if I could only stay awake for more then 10 minutes at a time...

My poor cat keeps rushing to door trying to get out and I can totally sympathize with him. This is a divine day in Central Texas...one of about 6 days we like to call "Fall". (other then these 6 days and the 8 we call "Spring" we are usually in the seasons referred to as: "Hot", "Still Hot", "Raining" & "Christmas"). Unfortunately for little Puss-Puss, the dog next door eats cats in his spare time...so until such time as Duke goes on to the fire hydrant in the sky...Cuervo's time outside is limited to his mad sprint from the door to the garden before I grab him by the tail.

Someone just rang my doorbell...I heard it but I am going to pretend I didn't. I'm sick. And besides that, I am wearing a pair of pajama pants I've had since college -- they are blue with red pigs all over them (funny, since I went to Baylor and our colors are green & gold and our mascot is a Bear...anyhoo...), and I also have on my favorite Park City hoodie and cowboy boots. Yes, I am wearing boots. They just came this morning via cute UPS guy and I couldn't help but try them on. I'm a Texas girl through and through and this is one of many pairs of boots I have had in my life time. But this pair is special. Guess you could say they are my first pair of "grown up" boots. Completely handmade (read: stupid expensive), the softest leather you can imagine, yummy chocolate brown, and just plain beautiful -- a graduation gift from my in-laws. I'll be finished with my masters degree in exactly 6 days...the boots got here early. I'm not ready to take them off yet. I might sleep in them.

So needless to say, I am a sight to see today in this getup! Maybe I should take a picture & post it. Oi. Then again, that might be too much for someone who doesn't know & love me and just randomly scrolls through...yeah, best to leave that one to the imagination.

Quote of the day

Is it correct to say "quote" of the day...or should it be "quotation" of the day? I always wonder that. At any rate, here are some words that someone spoke, grouped together nicely, that may or may not inspire reflection on your part. :)

"Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense."

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Sisterhood of the Fat Pants

The first thing you need to know about the email conversation that follows is that both of the women writing these emails are incredibly beautiful, under 30, and no bigger then the average woman in the U.S. These women are both highly intelligent, loving, compassionate and full of grace.

They are also funny as hell and have been friends since middle school. Names have been changed to protect the sort-of-innocent.


10/14/2005 8:56 AM
Hey Hon - how's it going? :) I am missing you so bad lately. Been having a bit of a fat crisis and need someone to eat ice cream with & then go buy shoes. I totally just dropped about $180 on jewelry from my favorite website the other night after my man and I watched a segment I had taped for the school district TV station. Who knew you could fit that much fat in to one pair of khaki pants?! And who stole my facial features? I swear I used to have some. LOL! Its been crazy lately...2 weeks and 4 days left of grad school...maybe after that I'll have time to work out...oh, but then it will be Halloween (and you know how I love to eat "fun size" candies...they really do make me a FUN SIZE)...then Thanksgiving...then Christmas! So I should just resign my self to being fat until at least New Year's right? I mean let's be realistic. :)
Everyone here is too skinny & they just don't understand. lol! How are ya'?

-Thelma

Friday, October 14, 2005 at 9:39 AM
Hey, sweetheart! I miss you, too! You made me laugh so hard with this e-mail! I'm very impressed that you made a TV appearance. Way to go you! I'm sure you looked absolutely gorgeous, and don't even bother to argue because I know it's true. I, too, have been spending a lot on jewelry, shoes, and perfume. I'm stretching the bounds of my fat jeans. It's not pretty. I'm laughing that someone stole your facial features. I have also lost mine, but someone saw fit to replace my stolen facial features with three chins. It's really wrong!

I say you should workout because it makes you feel better and then follow it up with a fun-size candy bar. It's very important to live a balanced lifestyle. My idea of balanced is a Dr. Pepper in one hand and a Reese's Cup in the other. So bad. To make it worse, they're predicting it to be back in the 90s this weekend. I can't even hide in my cute, oversized sweaters. *sigh*

-Louise

10/14/2005 11:46 AM
Oh the TV appearance was hilarious. I have done a lot of TV stuff in the past for other non-profits, but this was the first this for new job...and it went VERY well! I was really looking forward to seeing it...oi vey. lol! Well, at least the story was good, the kids were too cute for words, and the spot looked good...at least I think it all looked good. Once I saw myself (think: Stay Puft in a blue sweater and crop pants with red hair) my vision went all blurry and I just heard a loud clanging in my ears for the rest of the time it was on. What is REALLY nice is that it is running 3 times a day every day for the entire month of October! So maybe EVERYONE I know will see it! Yeah, baby...that is awesome! LOL!!You know its bad when the fat jeans are straining to contain the mass that is your butt. That is no bueno at all. I totally had to go but new pants on Sunday b/c we had a golf tournament on Monday and I did not have any (read: ones that buttoned) khaki pants to wear...oh honey, it was HIGH drama at the Old Navy!I know what you mean...the sucker who took my facial features left me with extra chins! What kind of lunatic would do that sort of thing to a girl?! I tell ya, this world is crazy. And poor Husband...he gets to hear all of it all the time. He's a good guy for not packing up and leaving immediately. lol!I might die if it got warm again and I had to go back to sleeveless shirts...my arms look more like legs these days then actual arms. Maybe I need to invest in some leggings and wear them on my arms instead. Would be appropriate. Shoes, makeup, jewelry, perfume, purses, and lotion for everyone!!! :) Woo hoo!

-Thelma

Friday, October 14, 2005 at 12:00PM
Okay, you just made me laugh out loud in the middle of the library. All my students are staring at me. Leggings on your arms...Stay Puft in a blue sweater...that's hilarious and I'm sure it's absolutely untrue! I'm sure you do NOT have arms the size of legs, and I bet you are the most beautiful girl at Old Navy and on TV. Speaking of Old Navy, this summer I bought a jean skirt from there...in the maternity section. It has an elastic waistband. It would be my favorite skirt ever if it weren't so tragic.
After our first e-mail conversation, I was so bummed with the way I look that I bought a Dr. Pepper and a Twix...they were out of Reese's. Apparently I have cleaned out the vending machine. Plus, PTO is feeding us today...tacos and brownies. I'm going to explode out of my fat pants. I've been thinking about changing my hair, but I don't think a hairstyle change can distract people from the size of my rear. So I'm going for the 80s hair. I figure the bigger the hair, the smaller my rear looks. So now I'm an out of style fat girl. I'm the girl at Wal-Mart with the big hair and the oversize shirt grabbing cokes and diet food off the shelf, checking out in line with a Fitness magazine and a Snickers bar.

- Louise

10/14/2005 1:32 PM
I totally had to stop reading your email so I would not laugh out loud and disturb my WHOLE office! I love you so much more then my luggage...you ALWAYS make my day a TON better. Oh, sorry...I mean A LOT better (no weight references!)Ohmygosh...you did NOT buy a maternity skirt!! That's like the episode with Joey's Thanksgiving pants!! I LOVE THAT! I think we'd all be in much better moods if everyone would just drop the pretense and wear maternity clothes every day. You absolutely must go with the big hair theory (we are, after all, in Texas). I love those articles that say that big hair brings the eyes "up" and away from excess weight, bad skin, etc. as if this is NEW news! Hell, we in Texas have known this for centuries. Why do you think everyone always talks about how pretty Texas Women are? Apparently they have all just been blinded by our massive amounts of HAIR. That is the ticket, sis. Big hair covers a multitude of sins (or a multitude of fun-size snickers...however you want to see it).

-Thelma

Watching the News

There are probably a ton of typos in this...its late & I should really be in bed, but I had to get this out of my head first...

I'm glad I am not the only one who can't seem to look away from the news...like I am doing these people a disservice if I ignore their suffering and go about my comfortable life. I feel overwhelmed by the situation the people there are in & powerless to do anything besides give money (which I know helps!!!). A woman I have known and worked beside for the past 4 years is the regional director of the Red Cross and is working beyond tirelessly to get aid to those who need it...as she always does. I can not express the tremendous amount of respect I have for her and the organization she works with.

I find myself thinking about what is happening on the Gulf Coast a lot...dwelling on the little things like, how did people leave their pets behind? what about family heirlooms, pictures and "things" that can never be replaced? What a loss of history and tradition our country has suffered - so much of the identity of that region is sitting underwater, never to be recovered...I know none of these are as precious as a human life, but these are the things that I can relate to - that make this tragedy real to me.

We have a lot of refugees coming to Texas right now and the out-pouring of generosity has been amazing. It is comforting to me to know that if and when we can get these people out of the devastated areas that the WILL have help. We have several hundred people here in our community as I type and the organizations hosting them say they have enough supplies for everyone.

But still, I am wondering what will be happening in a month, in six, a year, 10 years. What is the long-term impact on these people, the children and the cities & regions they left and are now in? We are enrolling kids in schools here who were displaced by Katrina...will they be uprooted again when it’s safe to go back...and if they have something to go back to?

I have no doubt that this event will define this generation. But what will we take from it? Will we move forward defined by our questions, sadness, anger & mistrust? Or will we be defined by the hope, generosity, and the resilience of the human spirit? Only time will tell.

The most touching bit of news I heard today that was that of all the countries & nations that offered aid to the U.S....of all of them...an offer came from Sri Lanka. A country devastated and torn apart was willing to reach out to others in need and do what they could. That truly gives me hope for the future.

Nocturnal

Sometimes I am glad to be awake when the rest of my world is sleeping. It's like there is more energy for clear thought available....we’ll soon see whether or not that turns in to quality typing skills. Tonight I have a cocktail of NyQuil and Chinese food going. Mix that with the prospect of leaving a job that I have dearly loved for four years and entering what seems, from the perspective of this early morning on the couch, as a new phase in life, and you’ve got a busy-minded, blurry-eyed me....and probably some pretty long sentences just like that one. I just adore long sentences, don’t you? I recently dropped a class in my master’s degree program almost solely due to the fact that the professor said, “in professional writing, we should limit our sentences to approximately 11 words”. I tried it out... Turns out that “kiss my ass” was just too short for him, and “I think you can take your silly rule and stick it up your ass you silly, shallow-minded, excuse for a teacher” was just too long. So, much to my dismay, we parted ways. It cost me $600 bucks too! But I think that is a small price to pay to gain a victory over verbal tyranny.

Back to the unique energy that vibrates in the air only in the middle of a sleepless night...I assume there are several kinds, many of which I have not experienced. I have not sat up with a sick child all night. Nor have I been at the bedside of a loved one passing on to Home. I am sure there are all sorts of unique characteristics to situations like those that stretch us far beyond ourselves. No, my inclination to be nocturnal tonight comes not from fear or sadness, but from the unknown that is a new beginning. Its so quiet right now...and I can almost hear the unknown creeping up on me, trying to suppress a laugh because it knows that at any minute it will jump out at me a yell “SURPRISE!!”. Balloons will fall, confetti will fill the air and it will be better then any birthday party you ever saw! Yes, right now the unknown is wearing a pointy party hat and holds a bag of streamers to dump on my head. He may also have on plaid, green and pink, polyester bell-bottoms, but I can’t quite see that far yet...

It’s an exciting energy that fills the air tonight in my little corner of the couch. I can’t speak for the other corner of the couch...but he is purring and looks pretty content, so I’ll take that to be positive. It never ceases to amaze me how Life can turn around so quickly. One day your outlook is so completely bleak it seems you’ll never laugh again and the next there is someone in green pants hiding behind your couch. I never know how it happens, but it gets me every time. Thank goodness I am not the One in control of things because I’d be bound to mess it all up...the delicate balance between challenges and blessings would certainly elude me. I’m the first to admit that I have barely faced any “real” hardship in my life...I’ve not lost anyone I love, I have always felt loved and safe, everyone in my life is, for the most part, happy and healthy. Yet there have been times that I’ve thought, “I’ll never get through this!”...and what do you know?, I’ve made it every single time!! You would really think I’d learn not to get so worked up when the next challenge comes around...oh but no, what fun would that be?

What is so important?

Is it wrong that all I want to do is stay home and read my new Harry Potter book? It is wrong that I have lost the ability to care about grad school...work...and all the other “important” things in life? I mean really, my poor cat has to wade through mine-field of shit to get in his cat box...it may actually be bordering on neglect at this point.

Are any of those things REALLY that important...are any of them eternal?? Surly this is not all there is to life. This simply can NOT be how a loving Creator intended us all to live and use the time, energy and resources He gave us.

I am SO SICK of spiraling in to a deep dark depression every Sunday night at the thought of going to work the next day. I won’t even begin to list the torturous, wretched things I can think of that I would rather do then spend one more day there. The most baffling this is that I know SO MANY other people who feel this way. Can we all be that miserable? No wonder the pharmaceutical industry is booming. Maybe if I was medicated I could handle it. Probably not.

I know, I know, this isn’t my usual cheery, thought-provoking blog...maybe that is why I haven’t been writing much lately. Occasionally I’ll get a bright ray of sunshine and think of a few topics I’d like to write about...but then time gets away from me. Time. Now there is a concept I can't seem to wrap my head around.

I make a vow every day or so that I am not going to let “stuff” get me down...but here I am, down again. Shit. I mean really, I feel like I am walking around with a scowl on my face that would give Darth Vader a run for his money (not when he was in the helmet, but when he was still the some-what hot and shaggable Anakin). Geeze, did that really need clarification?!? See what I mean? I am losing my mind here! :) Its actually quite laughable when I step back and think about it...but by “laughable” I mean in that sort of hopeless abandon that occurs in the pit of futility and sounds sort of like madness to everyone else.

Ugh.

OK, and just so no one gets truly worried...my cat is by no means neglected or in any danger...and neither am I. Thank God for the man that loves us both and will keep us from wading through our own feces. :)

June

I don't think I really have anything to say today...just hadn't posted anything in a while and was feeling a wee bit lost in cyberspace.

June is always an interesting month...lots of high school reunions and lots of weddings. Basically too many occasions to see people you have not seen in years and several unnecessary opportunities to hone your "forced small-talk" skills.

Its also a month in which most women I know start talking about their "weight" and how they need to lose some or all of it. The amount of time spent obsessing about this is directly proportional to the number of afore-mentioned weddings or reunions on their summer calendars.

While I understand this phenomena and have taken part in several weight loss oaths in previous Junes...it still baffles me that so very many of us are unhappy with the way we look. Funny thing is...I am sure if I was actually going to attend my 10th reunion in two weeks, I would probably find a room full of women who look just like me. NORMAL. If we could all just get over ourselves for a few minutes and let go of the need to be "perfect" we might just have a good time. But...since the chances of that happening are miniscule at best...I'll be in San Antonio that weekend with my best friend in the world drinking margaritas and eating my body weight in chips and salsa.

Here is to the class of 95! Maybe I'll see ya in 2010.